Thigh Gaps

        I know that everyone stresses about their bodies. You can never be too skinny or too toned. Considering summer is almost here, that pressure to rid your self of all body fat, is consuming everyone. I deal with this too, especially due to the fact the I live in California. Looking around everyone you see is tan, skinny, toned, and has perfect skin. Obviously, all the actors and models within our midst don't help at all. For the longest time I hadn't cared what people thought. I was content with the way I was. I even remember in like fourth grade, my friends and I would compare who had the most fat rolls, now we all compare who has the least.
         No matter how skinny, tan, or perfect you think someone is, chances are they don't agree. I remember complementing someone on their legs and having them turn to me and say, "Are you crazy? They are so fat!". Whether my opinion of them was true or false, the only opinion that they would ever remember was their own. A teacher once told me something that is entirely spot on; "If you were told ten compliments and one negative remark in one day, all you would remember was the criticism." I really don't know why all human beings are like that. We all say that we try and focus on the positive but in reality we always only remember the negative.
         I've always been a little self conscious of my body, especially around the opposite sex. Recently I went to the beach after school with some friends and I felt a little chubby. I was so preoccupied with sucking my stomach in and preventing myself from breathing, I failed to notice something pretty rare. One of the girls I was with also was a little chubby (I mean she wasn't fat at all but her stomach wasn't toned, much like mine) and she completely ignored it and was sitting normally and talking to the guys without a care in the world. It shocked me because one; she didn't care at all, two; the guys didn't seem to notice, and three; she was having the time of her life and whether she was self-conscious or not, she didn't let it affect her. It was a big wake up call for me. Maybe I shouldn't stress so much about being society's definition of perfect.       
        I know that in today's society, with the help of instagram, tumblr, and twitter, we are constantly reminded of those tall, skinny, long-haired, big-eyed girls that we all envy. The ones with thigh gaps and perfect skin. The ones that, with only one look at them, crumble our self-esteem immediately. If we keep wishing everyday to wake up with a thigh gap or to maybe have no more acne, we lose the special part of ourselves that make us unique. What if every girl was a replica of each other? Everyone would have long beachy hair, a thigh gap, tan body, slim stomach, clear skin, big eyes, the perfect nose...etc. If we all had that would you all really want to be like that? Or maybe we would finally accept who we are. After all if we can accept who we are, others will too.
         So as summer approaches, keep that in mind. Though we might not all be stick skinny with the perfect tan, we are all gorgeous. Accept who you are and focus on having fun instead of being paranoid about your looks.
xoxo Paloma

We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve.

Shocking as it is- we never fully accept the people around us without considering the opinions of others. As my friend and I complained to each other how there were never any boys into us, I realized that they were-and are. In my mind I hadn't counted those people as potential anythings based purely on the fact that no one around me liked them. Realizing this, I also discovered that even if I liked that person back, I would never date them. The superficial reason being that they weren't popular or hot enough. The mere idea of typing this out makes me want to punch myself in the face. Looking around me now I see those couples who disregard age, status, and popularity, and still seem happier than I am.
Questioning those social limitations that exist in high school today is difficult, even if you are able to recognize them. For example when my friend and I were gushing about prom and all the cute couples that were going, my mom interjected and asked "Why don't you two ask a junior or senior?". The mere suggestion made us both explode into giggles, but the reality of it was that we couldn't. It was just "some unspoken rule". There are plenty of guys that I can tell are interested in me, but before today, they didn't seem to count in my mind. Maybe it was the possible rejection of friends, or the fear of diminishing my social status, that erased these eligible guys from my mind when asked if anyone liked me. In fact when that question was asked, "does anyone like you", my mind would automatically think of those popular boys that everyone knew. My answer would immediately be no, after all none of those guys expressed any interest in me. In a way, answering "no" was my own personal rejection of these perfectly eligible guys; rejection that rooted from those late-night gossip sessions, or those opinions of those more popular.
I can't sit here and discuss this without putting blame on myself. If I am going to complain about my love life, I can't-and won't let myself forget about those genuinely sweet guys who like me for me. Maybe, in my mind, all I see myself looking for are those popular, universally hot guys, but in reality, all I want is someone who likes me for me. There have been multitudes of times when a guy has liked me, and I have silently reciprocated his feelings, but done nothing in fear of being judged. In high school each day come with judgement, and the fact that I can't tell my friends that I like a guy, or even acknowledge him, saddens me. Ladies if we are going to complain about how no one likes us, think to that guy who might like you. The guy who is sweet and genuine, but the same guy who your friends find weird. Screw their opinions though, after all you will be the one dating him, not them.
Remember who you are. Forget the unspoken rule of high school. Find happiness that makes you bloom and keep it. After all those who can't accept you or your decisions, don't deserve you. We'll all be out of here soon (high school wise).
xoxo Paloma

The picture is just some photography done by me. Play Teen Idle by Marina and the Diamonds to get in the mood.

Eventually It Will All Change.

Let me just start out simply. I love all my friends. Each one brings out a special something in me that no one else can. Whether we are close or not they each hold a special place in my heart and forever will. Now, all friendships should be simple. Whether we like it or not, each friendship is like a child. It requires care, love, understanding, and acceptance. It will also drive you crazy, make you laugh, and love you to no end.
Eventually there will come a point in some friendships where you have to decide: do you continue on with the path designated for you, or do you walk on the other path? Crossroads in other words. Coming to this point makes you realize that everything is changing, whether you like it or not. Friendship should be natural. You shouldn't have to force a friendship. Once in a while, you transition from a smooth ground to a rocky terrain within minutes. Where do you go? Do you give up, or do you give in? Do you try and please everyone, even if it's not who you are? That is what makes friendship so hard. You have to choose sometimes between the impulsive decision and the long term decision. Friendships take so long to build but so little time to destroy. My feeling are probably not unheard of. Our teenage years are beyond difficult, no matter where we live, who our friends are, or how we think. We all experience this angst that builds up within us. Angst that occasionally spills over, and crashes down on us.
Our friends are supposed to be our support system. Acceptance is the key. So why do I feel neglected? The odd one out? This may all be in my imagination, I don't doubt it. My own teenage angst. Nevertheless don't fret if it all suddenly changes. Just remember; “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”- Marilyn Monroe.
I know that people will ask me why I wrote about personal things, and why I would tell this to the public. The truth is, everyone goes through these ups and downs. Everyone struggles with decisions that need to be made. Decisions that can make or break something. I'm telling you all this in hopes that you can learn from my mistakes and life lessons, so that you don't have to go through your own. I refuse to apologize for expressing my feelings. This is the way I express myself, you don't have to like it but that's why it's for me.
xoxo, Paloma

Just more B&W photography to compliment my mood.